I recall now that in the early years my then boyfriend, now husband and I use to make out with the white noise of the latest surf VHS.
Maybe this is why I long to have my life played out like a surf movie: meditative, driven by reflective music and visually rich with vibrant and sexy imagery.
This does not map well to my reality as a suburban, middle marketing manager, subaru driving mama of two.
Where are the high contrast images, fun banter and single, unwavering focus of my path? Life for me is not all about the wave. Maybe it could be that simple, but somehow I get catch up in the drama of rearranging furniture, almost obsessively as though it's a magic combination lock that I am just about to crack.
If surfing is 80% paddling, life is 80% pure mind fuck. I have to get out of my head and into my heart.
A girlfriend of mine teaches kindergarten. A few years back one of her students was cleaning up tiny pieces of confetti from a Valentine's party while all the other kids we're in the process of preparing for the next recess. My girlfriend asked her what she was doing. The five year old, stringy limbs and all looked up and said with absolute confidence, "Ms. Janis I am helping to clean up. My grandmother says," a huge smile over takes her miniature frame, "what ever you do, do it with love. So that is what I am doing."
It's been two years since I first heard this story and I cannot tell you how many times I have secretly repeated this meditation.
We cannot like everything we do, but we can, despite ourselves become the person we wish to be. It's up to us to believe this is possible.
Today I want to believe.
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