My polyester clad therapist says I need to work on identifying my feelings. I am, she said, quick and articulate the factual details, but struggle to say how these experiences made me feel or what feeling they evoke. I suppose I should have been a lawyer. That is the one career I have not considered nor applied for. Am I missing something?
I believe my inability to identify my feelings stems from a deep seeded fear that somehow my feelings are not valued or important. Maybe this belief stems from the years I spent watching my girlfriends connect with my mom in a personal and emotional way when our relationship was strictly an authoritative business. My mom affectionately calls it tough love, I think it's bullshit. Am I allowed to swear? At least in print it's not hurting anyone's feelings being flung from one end of the living room in an argument. I do apologize if I offended you, but I am offended to find out at the age of thirty that I struggle with feelings.
When did I become so uptight?
What I am feeling in anger, sadness and vulnerability that I might have found someone in my life that loves me in spite and because of all of my many, many faults.
My therapist actually asked if I'd like a list of feelings to begin identifying my own. I laughed and said, I think I am okay. Honey I might not be the best at saying what I am feeling but let me tell you anger, loneliness and their cousin Mr. Over Whelming regularly rotate staying at my internal emotional inn.
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