Monday through Friday I survive the week. I force myself to rise from the warmth of my bed. The sweet voice of our 21 month old saying "Mooorning Mama," helps to motivate me. Then there is the unpredictable mood of our 3.5 year old, sometimes delightfully cheery and thrilled to greet the day or total grumpiness and groaning "I'm tired!" is shouted out from the top of her bunk. When the later happens I can't help but think you're not old enough to be moody. I wonder what the teenage years will bring. Will I be happy then? Will we have finally made it to Italy?
If I could do it again I would have waited five years to have kids, but the trouble is we are all more self-aware in the future. The truth is I love my kids, I just dislike my current lack of balance.
Motherhood is learning how to give yourself permission to honor someone. Usually this someone is in order your kids, spouse, family and last yourself. The old ad age is "happy wife happy life." I don't disagree. The trouble is I can't tell you what will make me happy.
It is not a place, a house, a car or a physical anything. It's finding a way to rearrange my internal living room and purge and excess junk. The heavy gold framed images of guilt, duty or failure. In their place I need to lay down a yoga mat and create space for fun, creativity and enjoyment.
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